A Child’s Garden of Grass is a wonderful piece of cannabis culture that has gone out of print. Released on LP and in paperback, a few lucky stoners have found this gem at yardsales or used bookshops, but most have never heard of it. Now, On Marijuana will bring this lost classic back to life in weekend installments.

Since this weekend is 4/20, let’s start early…

 

NOTE: We have never smoked marijuana, and never will. But our friend Ernie Lundquist, has. He told us all the stuff that’s in this book. Ernie lives at 2120 North Highland Ave. Apt B Los Angeles, California 90028. He keeps his stash in his shower curtain rod. Now that the book is finished, we don’t need him anymore.

I – THE HISTORY OF GRASS

Grass was first discovered in Twin Falls, Idaho in 1907 by a small Polish immigrant by the name of Wayne Krulka. The discovery occurred in early May, while Wayne was working late in his study one evening, trying to find a shorter route to India.

II – THE EFFECTS OF GRASS

I should like to rise and go
Where the golden apples grow;
Where below another sky
Parrot islands anchored lie,
And, watched by cockatoos and goats,
Lonely Crusoes building boats;
Where in sunshine reaching out
Eastern cities, miles about.
Are with mosque and minaret
Among sandy gardens set,
And the rich goods from near and far
Hang for sale in the bazaar;
Where the Great Wall round China goes,
And on one side the desert blows,
And with bell and voice and drum,
Cities on the other hum;
Where are forests, hot as fire
Wide as England, tall as a spire,
Full of apes and cocoa-nuts
And the negro hunters’ huts;
Where the knotty crocodile
Lies and blinks in the Nile,
And the red flamingo flies
Hunting fish before his eyes;
Where in jungles, near and far,
Man-devouring tigers are
Lying close and giving ear
Lest the hunt be drawing near,
On a corner-by be seen
Swinging in a palanquin;
Where among the desert sands
Some deserted city stands,
All its children, sweep and prince,
Grown to manhood ages since,
Not a foot in street or house,
Not a stri of child or mouse,
And when kindly falls the night,
In all the town no spark of light.
There’ll I’ll come when I’m a man
With a camel caravan
Light a fire in the gloom
Of some dusty dining room;
Heroes, fights and festivals;
And in the corner find the toys
Of the old Egyptian boys.

THE BEGINNER

Because of the controversy regarding the subject of grass, very little has been discussed about the effects derived from its use, and what has been discussed has given the wrong impression. This is probably because the effects achieved are very subjective and very allusive. Using grass is somewhat like making love or going to St. Louis (to use two extremes), you really have to have done it to know what it’s about. We will, however, try to illuminate as many areas as possible to the best of our ability, which, you will quickly find, is extraordinary.

We assume our audience to be both those who have never used grass and those who have tried it, perhaps many times, but still want to know more about it. (We also notice in our audience a bus load of small elderly women from Schenectady, New York. Yu may stay with us, if you like, but please don’t speak out or rustle papers.) We will thus try to cover all phases of grass from the very first time one tries it to the time when one learns to use it as a tool not only for euphoria, entertainment and joy, but also as a tool for learning and understanding the world around him, and the world within him, too, if you want to be cute.

The first time a person tries to get stoned he may not feel any effect whatsoever. Many people, even after smoking themselves blind, and on good grass, feel no effect for the first two or three times – and there are some who report no effects even after ten times. It is, of course, possible that out of 3.4 billion people in the world, there must be some whose system just will not react with grass. For those we recommend needlepoint, weightlifting or any of the other traditional methods of reaching nirvana. We believe that except for these two or three weirdos, everybody can feel the effects of grass if they simply get over their fear of losing control. Your mind, if sufficiently motivated, can keep you from feeling the effects of grass just like the minds of fanatic mystics can keep their feet from feeling the hot coals they like to walk on so much.

Aside from the problem of fear of losing control (which is relatively rare), there are other barriers. Getting stoned, strangely enough, is a learning experience somewhat like swimming. While some people take to the water right away, others struggle for a long time. (Read our book, A Child’s Garden of Water, wherein we compare swimming with getting stoned.) Fortunately, there are known reasons why some people can’t seem to get high, and these barriers can be easily overcome.

The first barrier to overcome is the person’s belief that smoking pot gives one a “kick.” It does not. There is no jolt or sudden overflowing all encompassing feeling. There is not instant or major change. The effects come on slowly and smoothly. Many neophytes thus don’t think that they’re stoned simply because they’re waiting for the non-existent kick.

The second barrier is that there is no way to know how you are “supposed” to feel. Unlike being drunk, the effects which are achieved when stoned on grass are subtle and nearly limitless in variety, and may differ each time you get high.

We once asked our friend Ernie Lundquist what the difference in feeling was between being stoned on grass and being drunk on alcohol. His answer was probably quite profound and very revealing, but unfortunately we can’t remember what it was. At the time he was stoned and we were drunk.

You can usually predict approximately how you’re going to act and feel when you get drunk: loss of control, dizziness, tight numbness, inarticulation, and nausea. With grass there are no predictions other than that you will depart slightly from reality. Right away, a whole bunch of people are screaming, “What is reality? Getting stoned is reality!” To these people we have one piece of advice: Don’t confuse us.

The areas of reality which are departed from are physical, psychological and spiritual, but since the spiritual world is highly individualistic and purely personal, and is also inhabited by scary things like ghosts, goblins, and gods, we’ll discuss only the first two. (Once when Ernie was stoned, he saw his Uncle Dave, who was over six feet tall and weighed 300 pounds. And what is worse, Dave was living in Butte, Montana at the time.)

If you are having difficulties getting stoned, you might be afraid to let yourself go. It’s easy to control a grass high, and the fear of knowing yourself may be overwhelming the high. As a great man once said…now what was it that he said? Oh, well, it doesn’t matter. Anyway, the best way to learn what it is to be stoned is to have a teacher or a guide to help you. (The term “guide” was stolen from LSD Manuals, which in turn stole it from the Boy Scout’s Handbook.) Unlike LSD guides, a grass guide really doesn’t have to be smart, sensitive, or extremely experienced. Any friend will do, the only requirement being that he or she has used grass before and can articulate his feelings.

A good guide will help a neophyte to feel the grass fully on his first trip. This is because one of the effects of grass is to cause a person to become suggestible, and when the guide tells the neophyte what he should be feeling, it will most often be felt. Usually, at this point, the neophyte says, “I do feel that, but only because you told me to. The grass isn’t doing it.” When the guide answers that the heightened degree of suggestibility has been brought about by the grass, the neophyte will have a tendency to disbelieve him. For some reason many people prefer to believe that grass will have no effect on them, and this is another barrier which keeps the neophyte from getting high the first time.

The guide, besides commenting on what is going on physically with the neophyte, should also give him something to eat, and let him listen to music, all the while pointing out various phenomena. The guide, too, should be stoned because his empathic abilities will then be increased, and because he won’t have to relate the feelings he had from memory.

Another common occurrence on the first, second, or even third trip, is that the neophyte may be obviously stoned and do or say some strange and amazing things. Someone will ask him, just as a gag, “Are you stoned?” “No,” he’ll insist, and the insistence that he is not stoned will persist until the grass wears off, at which point you remind him of what he did or said. When he remembers, an embarrassed look will creep over his face and he’ll admit that maybe he was stoned. However, the next time out, he’ll once more reject the possibility of any effect taking place. Don’t worry about him. He won’t worry about you.

Then there’s the neophyte who, throughout the entire time he is stoned, keeps asking, “Well, am I stoned?” Be kind to this person, he is reaching out for love.

If you’re worried about where to find a guide, don’t. It has been a sustaining rule of mankind that one will always appear. It’s been in all the folklore, mythology and theology for over 2000 years. One day a tall stranger will come into your village and talk you into trying some, and you will. Grass smokers are the world’s greatest proselytizers, and should be out hustling for “The Watchtower.” They are relentless. If you have a friend whom you know uses grass, and this friend knows you don’t, and he has never offered to turn you on, look for a new friend. This one doesn’t really like you.

To be continued…

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